Tuesday, 2 February 2016

Do as I say, not as I do.

Going through my draft posts (there's a lot) and found this from March last year.

I'm finding myself in a situation that is all too familiar for one or two of my kids. I've had my confidence knocked... hard.

I've talked all the boys through it at times, even Butterfly in her own little way has been encouraged to "just keep trying" which I guess is much the same thing. I know what I tell them to do, I know I say it because it really is the best advice for the situation. I know that if you believe that what you are doing is right then you need to stand up for yourself. Assess the criticism (which may not even be criticism, but just feels like it), see if it holds merit, decide if you need to change what you are doing or your opinion, then act on your decision. At this point you either stay the same or you change.

Right now I'm at the assessing stage... the more I assess the more I am convincing myself that it's a personal attack... yet somewhere inside I know it's not...


So... nearly a year on... it's kind of still hurting. I spoke to those with knowledge in the field and established that I SHOULD keep going. I saw the problem from both perspectives, I sought more views from the opposing perspective to make sure I understood. I came to the decision that I SHOULD stick to my guns and although in this situation neither party was exactly wrong, they were just different approaches to the same thing, I knew that the answer I had to give to those questioning me was a "your way" or "my way" answer.

But "shoulds" are one thing, next I had to decide if this was a sword I was willing to fall on. Would I step back, allow the requested changes to be made or would I stand firm, believing that it wasn't just "but we've always done it this way" it was actually what was currently the right way to do it?

I stood.

I don't feel like it's a win.

I feel like I'm constantly scrutinised to see if I made the wrong decision... but I also feel like that's stupid and of course I'm not.

Why is it so easy to dish out advice to our kids but to act on it ourselves takes courage that we forget we, and our kids, possess.

I recently told my sweet Monkey to "Just keep doing what you are doing, hopefully you will see the change in your friendship" when he was telling me about a friendship struggle he's having. "I don't want you to talk to X's mum, so maybe it's best if I'm just not friends with X any more." I answered him "well, it's just one part of an otherwise great friendship... stick with it, you'll be glad you did". He's not so sure, but with courage he's going to try. Friendships take a lot of courage. Sticking with a friendship through the hard times takes HUGE amounts of courage.

There's really not much point to this... just a reminder, sent out into the great big internet land, to take courage. What an example we can be to our kids when we really can be proud if they do what we do.

No comments:

Post a Comment

I'd love to hear from you, even if it's just to say "Hi, I stopped by for a read today"
We love comments, we don't love spam. Too much spam means I'm moderating comments now and have put on an anti-robot word verification doo-dad, sorry.