Thursday, 4 March 2010

Let me tell you a tale...

Imagine, if you will, you are cruising along with your children in an unknown world.  You are carefully navigating each twist and turn and you come to a dead stop.  You can't move until the way is cleared and it isn't safe to get out of your vehicle just here.

You are safe in your car though... right?


All of a sudden a velociraptor bounds through your open window, it grabs your firstborn by his hand and starts to devour him right there in the car.  There is nothing you can do, you will need to get out of the car to get to your child and kill the creature but you can't do that here without risking your own life... after what seems like an eternity with a ravenous beast devouring your child you are allowed to proceed and you quickly pull over where it's safe and tear open the back door and beat the velociraptor to death with one swift blow.  You console your children, kiss the velociraptor bite so it's all better, hop back in the front and drive off.

Could you hear the children in the car shrieking and screaming with fear?  Could you see their tears streaming down their little pink cheeks?  What if I told you this really happened?

Though to make it entirely truthful you may want to change a few things... like we were driving home from grandma's... we were stopped at a traffic light... oh, and that velociraptor...

it was a mosquito.

Thank you Queensland Health.  Because of your "Defend Against Dengue" ad campaign, my kids are now totally freaked out by mosquitoes.

In other news Dragon saw a hideous beast in our house this morning... no, not mummy in her pre-showered state... He had been snuggling in our bed for what seemed like an eternity with a wiggly little boy and we finally got up and were walking to the lounge room when he rounded the corner ahead of me and started screaming uncontrollably, it was enough that i thought he was about to pass out from fear.  He managed to point at something I couldn't' see, just around the corner.  I cautiously crept forwards and peeked around the corner to see....

A huge snake

A MASSIVE spider

A pack of wild dogs

A grasshopper.

Yes, a grasshopper was in our house.  Probably 5cm long (2inches) if you looked while it was stretching out or something.  I herded Dragon back to our bed for some cuddles and got Wolf to catch the ferocious beast and put it outside.  We had a chat about what grasshoppers eat and how Dragon is safe since he doesn't look like a lettuce leaf.  I think it was just the shock of seeing something so unexpected in our house first thing in the morning that it caught him off guard and caused the meltdown.  But boy oh boy did he meltdown!

I hope you are safe from velociraptor mozzies and boy-eating grasshoppers today.


  1. Ah ... this was just so funny!

    And just as funny is the fact that my girls actually go looking for grasshoppers, slaters, slugs, snails, earwigs, spiders and other creepy crawlies to play with.

    Thankfully, we don't get many mozzies around here.

  2. I guess if one of those mouse eating spiders ever gets inside the house you will find out if it is possible for a child to actually die of fright. Let's hope it never happens.

  3. Oh the things these big tough boys are scared of. Earth worms was a big terror for #1, #3 can't stand anything potentially germy or slimy and #7 is still a little nervous around birds.

    I love your stories of boys. It brings me back to when my first 4 were little.

  4. OMGoodness! Too funny (although i am sure it wasn't funny at all while you were driving.)

  5. I think this is one of the funniest posts I've read in quite a while. I'm sorry your sweet baby had to be traumatized in the process. Tell him I hate mosquitos and grasshoppers in my house too! Any bug for that matter.

  6. Oh this is a great post! We are lucky that we do not live in a Malaria area as my actions will make my kids scared of the mozzies too.

  7. Just wait those boys will soon be asking you for a container to capture those little pesky bugs in. What fun, boys are.



    p.s. thanks for the recipe!

  8. Oh dear! I agree with Suz - soon they'll be collecting those insects!
    We've had a heap of mozzie's here - not as bad as Qld, but reminds me of it. Thankfully there haven't been those ads.
    I remember the twins freaking out about "spiders" that were in fact those teeny, tiny black ants! Gotta love kids!
    Have a nice weekend
    Renata :)

  9. I was nodding my head all the way through that. One of Rowan's teachers foolishly told him that dragonflies bite. Oh the terror that sweeps over them when they see one. And it doesn't have to be a dragonfly. Any large flying insect will do. She has a lot to answer for in my opinion.

  10. I just loved the beginning of this...aren't they just so over dramatic sometimes?! It can be funny and well...bizarre and often annoying. :-) But I loved the way you told the "bug" stories! Oooh...I see Wolf has his own blog now. Hmmmm...I'll shall check out his book reviews!

    Hey, he hasn't posted in a bit has he? Tell him to get on that.


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